Designing the Life You Actually Want

Last year I deleted every social media app from my phone that pulled me all through out the day. I didn't like that it had that kind of hold over me.

When I eventually reinstalled Pinterest, I made myself a rule: I would only watch a tutorial if I was going to do it straight away. A recipe, a craft, something with my hands. Something real. Instagram came back under the same conditions. Two or three short sessions a week, five minutes each. It made sense and felt good.

The difference was immediate. I felt inspired rather than overwhelmed. I actually remembered what I'd watched. I had space to think about it afterwards. There are people out there creating genuinely powerful content with messages that can shift something in you, but not if you're watching a hundred videos back to back with no room to breathe.

Yesterday I came across one of those videos. You can watch it below.

The person speaking shared something a friend had said to him years ago, a line that had stayed with him - here’s the trasncipt:

A friend of mine, a number of years ago told me this quote and it has stuck in my head ever since, which is, he said, “The truest form of intelligence is designing the life that you want to live.” Wow.

We associate intelligence with so many other things, but if you think about it, that really is the highest form.

I have so many friends that I would consider smart that are spending their life climbing some ladder that they’re not excited about. They’re doing the right thing, they’re doing it for the wrong reasons. They secretly hate their life. They’re considered smart.

Naval Ravikant has this awesome quote where he says: “If you’re so smart, why aren’t you happy?” The real magic of intelligence isn’t your IQ as much as it’s, “What do you point that IQ at?” And I would say the place you want to point that IQ is your design of your life. That’s intelligent.

What’s meaningful to you? How do you want to spend your time? Who are the people you want to spend your life with? How do you want to spend your days? What are the activities you want to be doing?

Actually spend hours in your life making those determinations and then moving your life toward those things.

I think that actually, as I’ve reflected more and more on my friend’s quote, I think it’s the truest thing I’ve ever heard about intelligence

The trouble is, most of us were never taught to think like that. School hands you a ladder and tells you to climb. Get good grades, get into a good university, get a good job, earn a good salary. At no point does anyone stop and ask what you actually want, or whether this ladder is leaning against a wall that matters to you. By the time you're old enough to question it, you're already several rungs up and it feels too late to come back down. So most people keep going. Not because they chose it, but because no one told them there was a choice.

It's one of the main reasons we unschool our daughters. We want them to grow up knowing that the design of their life is theirs to make. That the real questions aren't "what grade did you get?" but "what are you in to at the moment?" When they climb, we want it to be a ladder they chose.

That's also exactly why Rob and I are building A Place To Be.

Not as a business. Not to make money or be influencers or be special. We want to spend real time with our daughters. We want good friends close by. We want to do the things we love. We want a life that's actually worth living.

So I'll leave you with the same questions the video ended on. I'd actually sit with these if I were you:

• What's meaningful to you?

• Who do you want to spend your life with?

• How do you want to spend your days?

• What are the activities you want to be doing?

If your answers look anything like ours, APTB might be exactly what you've been looking for.

This was taken in Croatia during our family week - a mix of shareholders and families interested in joining us. Kids of all ages playing, helping each other, exploring, laughing, arguing, working things out etc. Adults? Same thing ;-)

Want to find out if APTB is the right fit for your family? Then book a free call with me.