Why Unschooling Fosters Humanity’s Most Essential Skill: Problem-Solving
“Our primitive ancestors survived, not in spite of problems, but because of them.”
When I read this line in the first chapter of When I Say No, I Feel Guilty, something lit up in me: Problem-solving is the reason humans survived and evolved.
It wasn’t brute strength or obedience to authority that allowed our species to thrive, but rather our ability to think critically, adapt, and creatively resolve the challenges of our environment.
Those who couldn’t do this—human or otherwise—simply didn’t make it.
This powerful insight forms a compelling argument for rethinking how our society raises and educates children. If problem-solving is the key to survival, then the methods of learning should be focused on cultivating that skill above all else.
That’s where unschooling comes in.
Unschooling—at its heart—is about trusting in a child’s natural ability to learn through living. It removes the rigid structures of traditional schooling that prioritize compliance, memorization, and performance over creativity, curiosity, and autonomy. In doing so, unschooling creates the ideal conditions for developing exactly the kind of adaptive, resilient problem-solvers our world so deeply needs.
A Culture of Real-World Problem-Solving
In conventional school settings, “problems” are usually pre-packaged: math equations with one right answer, essays with preset rubrics, science labs with known outcomes. But real-life problems don’t look like that. They’re messy, open-ended, emotional, and unpredictable. They require interpersonal skills, emotional regulation, confidence, experimentation, and persistence.
Unschoolers are immersed in real-world problem-solving from the beginning. Whether they’re negotiating screen time with siblings, figuring out how to build a fort, managing boredom, or launching a business idea, unschooled kids constantly flex the mental muscles required for navigating life. They learn by doing. They stumble, reflect, try again, and adapt—not because a teacher told them to, but because they are intrinsically motivated to understand the world and their place in it.
Autonomy as the Foundation of Growth
One of the most liberating ideas in When I Say No, I Feel Guilty is the notion that you have the right to say no without guilt, to express yourself honestly, and to protect your boundaries. These are not just communication tools—they’re core components of healthy problem-solving. To be a strong problem-solver, you have to believe in your own voice and ability to act.
Unschooling supports this internal authority from the start. Kids learn they are allowed to have needs, preferences, and boundaries. Their ideas matter. Their questions are valid. Instead of teaching them to defer to external judgment, unschooling teaches them to think for themselves—confidently and respectfully. This doesn’t create selfishness; it creates humans who know how to navigate relationships with authenticity and care, who don’t crumble in the face of complexity or conflict.
“People survive and grow by solving their own problems—not by being protected from them”
This truth runs deep in unschooling. We don’t rush in to fix everything. We support kids in figuring things out—because we trust they can.
Unschooling doesn’t just prepare kids for the world—they’re already in the world. And because they’re trusted to explore it with curiosity and agency, they become practiced, confident, and creative thinkers. They learn not to fear mistakes, but to use them as feedback. They develop emotional intelligence not through lectures but through lived relationships. They build resilience, not from grades or punishments, but from the freedom to fall and get up on their own terms.
Internal Authority Builds External Confidence
Smith emphasizes that to live fully and communicate effectively, we must reclaim our internal authority—the ability to say no, ask for what we need, and stand in our own values without guilt. This kind of assertiveness isn’t about dominance. It’s about groundedness.
How does a child learn this in a system that grades them constantly, tells them when to speak, what to learn, and how to behave?
They don’t.
But in unschooling, kids get to practice assertiveness daily. They’re not told what to think, feel, or pursue. They’re invited to engage with their world, and trusted to follow their curiosity, navigate their relationships, and advocate for themselves. They learn that their voice matters—not in theory, but in lived experience.
This, too, is problem-solving. Standing up for yourself when something doesn’t feel right. Asking for clarity when you’re confused. Saying “no” without guilt when something crosses a boundary. These are the very foundations of mental and emotional health.
The Skill That Never Goes Out of Style
We live in a time of rapid change—technologically, economically, socially. The ability to memorize facts or follow instructions will never be enough in a world like ours.
100.000 years ago problem solving was crucial as it is now. We don’t know what the world will look like 10, 50, or 10.000 years from now. But one thing is certain: Problem-solving is the one skill that will never go out of style.
At A Place To Be, we’re creating a space where children engage with life. They’re not waiting for the world to tell them who they are. They’re discovering it for themselves, one solved problem at a time.
And in doing so, they’re continuing the legacy of our most ancient and essential human gift.
