In this Lesson

Mid April 2023 my husband Rob and I did a workshop called Parenting Safe Children by Feather Berkower to learn about child sex abuse prevention. After that I did a thorough research online and created this workshop because the number 1 thing to do when you want to learn something is to teach it to others. I also wanted to create awareness about this big issue that affects too many families and especially children as they depend on us to keep them safe. The more we spread the word the more we can keep kids from being sexually abused. So please feel free to share this material with people in your environment. 

Also don’t hesitate to email me if you have questions, feedback or other comments to share: info@aplacetobe.me 

Sylvia

Sylvia

INTRODUCTION

Facts and numbers:

  • 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 6 boys get sexually abused

  • most don’t tell (or at least not immediately but years later)

  • 70% of all sexual abuse cases (including rape of adults) happen to children under 17

  • sibling abuse and other older children (2-3 year gap) is high (one third of all cases)

  • Most sexual abuse of children occurs in a residence, typically that of the victim or perpetrator (85-90% of the abusers are known to the child)

  • 96% of the abusers are men

  • 95% of predators were abused as children

Source (among others): https://cachouston.org/prevention/child-sexual-abuse-facts/

What abusers look out for: vulnerability

  • not educated (they don’t know the actual names of their genitals, sexuality and body safety)

  • lack confidence

  • keep secrets

  • physical disability

  • expect to obey (‘listen to me/ your teacher/older sibling/grandpa’ etc)

  • Perpetrators report that they look for passive, quiet, troubled, lonely children from single parent or broken homes that easily trust people

Anybody could be a predator and a victim (but we can reduce the risk!)

Grooming (Friendship - Reward - Secrets - Touch)

  • becoming parent’s friends by gaining loyalty (if they’re not already part of the family)

  • subtle touches on shoulder, head, back, knee, stroking

  • saying things like ‘You’re so cool’ ‘you’re my (special) friend’ ‘you’re such an amazing young woman’ to become friends

  • separating kids from adults 

    • offer the victims special attention

    • understanding and a sympathetic ear

    • give them rides

    • they may play games with victims

    • provide them with gifts and/or special treats that their parents don’t give to the child or on random occasions 

    • start with seemingly innocent secrets

- some might show child porn videos or images (creating bigger secret)

- controlling the relationship